Bullying
What Children Should Do If They Are Bullied
It's normal for children to be frightened or angry when other children bully them. But they can discourage attacks by showing confidence and not overreacting.
Children should not fight with a bullying child or make verbal insults. This could lead to more aggression and possibly serious injury. Have your child call out for help or find an adult or peer right away if he or she feels unsafe.
Children who are bullied online or in text messages should not reply. It is best for them to show the message to an adult and block any more messages from the sender. Remind them to only accept messages from people they know.
"Talk, walk, squawk"
Experts recommend a catchy expression to help children remember how to handle bullying: "Talk, walk, squawk."4
- Talk to the bullying child if it feels safe. Look him or her in the eye and say strongly but calmly, "Leave me alone," or "You don't scare me." Children who are being bullied should not run (even though they may want to). It may strengthen a feeling of power in the bullying child.
- Walk away from the bullying child or children.
- After the encounter, children should squawk to adults about the episode. It might help for children to identify an adult at school to tell if incidents occur. The adult should be told that the child will come to him or her if the child is harassed. Children who see another child being harmed also should immediately seek help from an adult.
Children may worry about making other kids angry by telling on them. But exposing the abuse is the only way to stop the problem. A child can ask to remain anonymous when reporting an incident.
Girls who are bullied
Bullying behavior that is most typical in girls—excluding and shunning—is often subtle. However, it can be devastating to the child who is abused. This type of bullying is very isolating and difficult to manage because the pain it causes is not physical and can be hard to explain to an adult. Gossiping and "backstabbing" are common techniques used by girls who bully in this way.
Although there is no easy or foolproof solution, it may help to try some of the following strategies.
- Recognize the behavior. Trying to ignore it won't make it go away. Help your daughter accept that there is a problem and that you will help her through this difficult time. Help your daughter understand that she is not to blame.
- Role-play. Practice, practice, practice ways to respond to hurtful comments or actions until they come naturally. Help your child by thinking up different scenarios and different ways to respond in them. Have fun with this—make up absurd or outrageous situations. Also, practice using humor as a way to be assertive. Sometimes saying things like, "Oh, please! You've been watching too many soap operas!" or simply, "I don't need that!" and walking away can stop bullying. This creative thinking can help relieve some of the tension your child feels as well as provide her with some feeling of control.
- Encourage your daughter to pursue interests in a different environment. Assure her that she will meet friends who value her. Help her look for areas of her life where she feels accepted, likeable, and normal. And help her to find opportunities to develop well-balanced friendships.
- Talk to school leaders. If the bullying occurs in certain social situations or school activities, sometimes it is just best to remove your daughter from the situation. It is not always in a child's best interest to "stick it out." Often, in fear of causing disappointment, children do not want to tell their parents that this is the solution they prefer. Ask your daughter if she really wants to continue to be in the activity. If the bullying occurs in a general school setting, try to work with teachers and counselors to change her schedule so she is not very often around those who bully her.
- Stay out of groups who bully others. Sometimes a child who was shunned before will suddenly be "invited" into or back into a group. Talk with your daughter about the fickle nature of such friendships. Ask her how she would feel if she felt pressured to exclude another person. Help her discover the qualities of long-lasting and true friendships.
- Let your daughter know you are always there for her. Even though you may not be able to come up with the perfect answer for the problem, you can help your daughter by reminding her that you will always be there to listen and help her think about new ways to handle being bullied.
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| Author: | Debby Golonka, MPH | Last Updated: January 31, 2007 |
| Medical Review: | Michael J. Sexton, MD - Pediatrics Frederick P. Rivara, MD, MPH - Pediatrics | |
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